Five Birds

Late last year we met Eliza Two*, the new cockatiel acquired by our grand nephew and niece.  She's a beautiful little thing who adores human company. She walks up your arms, nestles into your neck, pecks softly at jewelry and loves to be petted and scratched. When you stroke her head, she closes her eyes and lets her head fall forward, moving to the left and right adjusting herself so her itchy spots gets scratched. Crowds of people don't bother her - she's as personable in her cage as she is perching on a human hand. We were all crazy about her.

Thanksgiving 2013

Eliza Two's arrival on the scene (via a pet store) prompted a few stories about bird acquisitions from my brother-in-law who has owned a few. 

Bird Story One: Driving through Forest Lawn Cemetery, winding slowly around the hills, Richard's brother Jim stopped his car for a minute to get out and stretch his legs.  Suddenly, a parakeet fell from the sky and landed with a plop on the car hood. Jim described the bird as looking "dazed and confused". Jim looked at the bird for a minute, picked it up, opened his car door and set the bird down on the seat. He claims the bird sort of sighed, as if in great relief.  What to do? Jim drove to the pet store and bought a cage. That was the start of a ten year relationship.

Bird Story Two: Earl Grey. The next bird arrived in the household via the chimney. Jim walked by the fireplace and heard some cheeping. On closer inspection, he found a very small bird, just a baby, quivering on a ledge inside the chimney. What to do? Another cage was acquired and "Earl Grey" joined the household. As time passed, they realized Earl Grey wasn't really grey, as they thought, but actually white, once he preened the soot off himself. Earl (dropped the Grey) never seemed to get completely settled. 

Bird Story Three: Lola. The last of the series, Lola didn't drop into their lives. She was acquired the conventional way, by purchase from a pet store.  Lola, a female, was intended to assuage Earl's constant agitation but unfortunately she made things worse. For Earl it must have been like getting an unwanted "mail order" bride. Lola and Earl had serious domestic problems. Like the Bickersons, they fought over everything: the perch, the food, the toys. Recently Earl developed bronchial problems and died after three days of illness. Lola is now a Merry Widow and Jim reports that she's a much happier bird on her own. 

*Eliza One is buried in the back yard. 

Update: Eliza Two got out of her cage and flew away - July 2014. Everyone is heart broken but we hope someone found her and gave her another home.

The Mezlas

Searching through old pictures and letters yields the occasional treasure you've forgotten about. Here's a letter from a niece who was about six or seven at the time of writing. Obviously the mezlas was the big news in the family. I've lost touch with them, but I know that Greg went on to medical school and Marni probably got more teeth. 

Cat Vacuums

What a fabulous cat! We couldn't get ours to wear green.

Chief Cat - Job Description

Chief Cat - Job Description

Executive Summary: A Chief Cat with a sense of humor and loyalty is sought in order to complete a small family of two humans and one bereft Assistant Cat. 

Overview: Must have a minimum of three years experience working in a household consisting of two or more humans and at least one other cat.

Physical Attributes: Male. No larger than 12 pounds. Fat cats need not apply.
Reddish would be nice as the two former Chiefs were red heads and we'd like to stay in that groove.
Short coat with no working "male" parts.
No tattoos please or cattoos either.

Experience and skills: Former exposure to dogs is desirable but not necessary.
Experience in avocado groves and tolerance of agricultural machinery noise essential.
Familiarity with basic cat spanish would be helpful. A Catalan accent is acceptable.
Must be able to use litter box when necessary.
Supervision of at least one Assistant Cat will be necessary. A collegial attitude and former experience working on a team would be preferred.
Must be able to sleep 20 hours per 24 hour period.
Drama queens need not apply; we have a low tolerance for catastrophe.

Duties and Responsibilities:
1. Wake-up Household: Must rouse himself from sleep no later than dawn and after awakening the Assistant Cat, immediately begin scratching at human's bedroom door. The Chief must continue with this task until humans have arisen and walked to the kitchen. This will signify the completion of the Wake-up Household task.

2. Jumping out the Door: Second task of the day but no less important than the waking up job, Chief will stand at the door engaging the humans in various kinds of eye contact while walking in circles around the door. Humans will often become involved with nonsensical activities such as making coffee or breakfast and fail to execute their portion of this task. This however is no excuse for the Chief failing to get through the door. Chief must continue the circling, twirling and eye contact until the humans open the door at which point Chief must leap through the opening, regardless of any barrier, such as an indecisive cat hesitating at the opening or lingering too long.

3. Chasing lizards: All day activity. Chief will maintain constant, unwavering surveillance of property. If a lizard or reptile of any kind sets foot on said property Chief Cat shall track and capture lizard, chew off it's tail and chase him/her away.

4. Cleaning and Grooming of Assistant: Day and night activity. Assistant Cat has limited grooming skills and from time to time misses a dab or daub of human aroma on his coat. Chief Cat shall capture Assistant Cat, hold him down by the neck and vigorously lick all vestiges of foreign odor away. Assistant Cat requires help in the ear cleaning department as well. Chief cat shall be able to choke down feelings of revulsion for this bad grooming and view the cleaning of the Assistant as an opportunity for feline charity.

5. Demonstrating Loyalty and Affection to Humans: Day and night responsibility.
Chief Cat should be willing and able to purr loudly and wind around human legs at least once a day.
Sucking on shirt fronts is discouraged at this senior level.

6. Kneading sofa and bedding of Humans: Evening task.
Every evening, the sofa shall be kneaded into submission. Focus and dedication is required to keep pounding away at various spots to achieve the desired result: pre-conditioned seating for tired humans.

7. Squeezing Self: When empty containers are available.
Chief Cat shall be skilled at squeezing himself into the smallest possible container available.
A demonstration of this ability will be required as part of the interview. Applicant is advised to
bring his own container if possible.

8. Riding in Vehicles: Variable. 

Applicant must be willing to ride in various vehicles from time to time. For example: Truck rides through the grove, visits to the vet and once in a while a joy ride, just for the hell of it.

Assistant cat rides the back (permanent position). Chief Cat rides shotgun and acts as

a equilibrium indicator swaying back and forth around curves alerting the driver to

changes in terrain and altitude. Applicant may bring to the interview, goggles, a hat and driving gloves if desired.

9. Cat food Criticism: Daily. 

Various meals are presented daily to the Chief Cat who requires a discerning palate and the ability to communicate his preferences. No gulping or gobbling of food is allowed - only thoughtful mastication. Chief and Assistant dine together and are served by Mr. Richard, one of our finest! Chief shall register either enthusiasm or indifference for the various products presented and this response will be noted. Records are kept and will remain in the candidate's permanent portfolio.

10. Ignoring Calls from Humans: Daily.

Chief Cat shall ignore any and all calls from any and all humans. Even if treats, car rides or affection are offered, Chief must have enough inner control to rise above cheap temptations and follow his own dreams.

Compensation Package:

Room and board, colloquially known as "three hots and a cot", free run of Rancho de las Paltas. Love and affection from the two resident humans and the Assistant Cat. Weekends off and eight week to ten weeks minimum vacation time while humans roam the outside world. Chief cat is free to use this eight to ten week period for activities of his choice: meditation, physical fitness and catch-up sleeping time are three favorite vacation time activities. 

Applications will be accepted daily at foodsmarts@gmail.com. Please include pictures if possible. 

No cheesecake or photo shopped pictures will be considered. 

George's on my mind....

My wonderful friend Barbara made us a zentangle of our dearly departed cat, Buster. Here it is - isn't it beautiful? She always zentangles in black but made an exception in this case, using a color just like Buster (ruddy) for his picture.

I'm looking for a spectacular frame.

Not only did Barbara make us this wonderful zentangle, but she actually has a cat, George, in her menagerie who is looking for a job. Well, sort of looking. He's currently fully employed at Barbara's utilizing his good looks and fine personality to trade for three hots and a cot. Charming and a bon vivant, George may be a candidate for our spot. Barbara, like Microsoft, has to cut back a little;  5 cats and one Human is an exhausting ratio.

Here's George's resume written by Barbara which inspired me to write a job description for the now vacant position of Chief Cat, Rancho de las Paltas.


"I don't know wether you want a new companion for your cat or not but if so here are some of George's attributes:

He's affectionate.




smart (knows how to escape coyotes)

knows how to drive a ? ( one of these-)



Is very relaxed (and calm)



is handsome



He doesn't instigate the fights but usually walks away.

Knows how to use a litter box.

Has been neutered and vaccinated. (I did this so he wouldn't impregnate the neighborhood
stray cats. )

Likes being outside but readily comes in at night."

 _________________________________________________________________________________

Chief Cat - Job Description

Executive Summary: A Chief Cat with a sense of humor and absolute loyalty is sought in order to complete a small family of two humans and one bereft Assistant Cat. 

Overview: Must have a minimum of three years experience working in a household consisting of two or more humans and at least one other cat.

Physical Attributes: Male. No larger than 12 pounds. Fat cats need not apply.
Reddish would be nice as the two former Chiefs were red heads and we'd like to stay in that groove.
Short coat with no working "male" parts.
No tattoos please or cattoos either.

Experience and skills: Former exposure to dogs is desirable but not necessary.
Experience in avocado groves and tolerance of agricultural machinery noise essential.
Familiarity with basic cat spanish would be helpful. A Catalan accent is acceptable.
Must be able to use litter box when necessary.
Supervision of at least one Assistant Cat will be necessary. A collegial attitude and former experience working on a team would be preferred.
Must be able to sleep 20 hours per 24 hour period.
Drama queens need not apply; we have a low tolerance for catastrophe.

Duties and Responsibilities:
1. Wake-up Household: Must rouse himself from sleep no later than dawn and after awakening the Assistant Cat, immediately begin scratching at human's bedroom door. The Chief must continue with this task until humans have arisen and walked to the kitchen. This will signify the completion of the Wake-up Household task.

2. Jumping out the Door: Second task of the day but no less important than the waking up job, Chief will stand at the door engaging the humans in various kinds of eye contact while walking in circles around the door. Humans will often become involved with nonsensical activities such as making coffee or breakfast and fail to execute their portion of this task. This however is no excuse for the Chief failing to get through the door. Chief must continue the circling, twirling and eye contact until the humans open the door at which point Chief must leap through the opening, regardless of any barrier, such as an indecisive cat hesitating at the opening or lingering too long.

3. Chasing lizards: All day activity. Chief will maintain constant, unwavering surveillance of property. If a lizard or reptile of any kind sets foot on said property Chief Cat shall track and capture lizard, chew off it's tail and chase him/her away.

4. Cleaning and Grooming of Assistant: Day and night activity. Assistant Cat has limited grooming skills and from time to time misses a dab or daub of human aroma on his coat. Chief Cat shall capture Assistant Cat, hold him down by the neck and vigorously lick all vestiges of foreign odor away. Assistant Cat requires help in the ear cleaning department as well. Chief cat shall be able to choke down feelings of revulsion for this bad grooming and view the cleaning of the Assistant as an opportunity for feline charity.

5. Demonstrating Loyalty and Affection to Humans: Day and night responsibility.
Chief Cat should be willing and able to purr loudly and wind around human legs at least once a day.
Sucking on shirt fronts is discouraged at this senior level.

6. Kneading sofa and bedding of Humans: Evening task.
Every evening, the sofa shall be kneaded into submission. Focus and dedication is required to keep pounding away at various spots to achieve the desired result: pre-conditioned seating for tired humans.

7. Squeezing Self: When empty containers are available.
Chief Cat shall be skilled at squeezing himself into the smallest possible container available.
A demonstration of this ability will be required as part of the interview. Applicant is advised to
bring his own container if possible.

8. Riding in Vehicles: Variable. 

Applicant must be willing to ride in various vehicles from time to time. For example: Truck rides through the grove, visits to the vet and once in a while a joy ride, just for the hell of it.

Assistant cat rides the back (permanent position). Chief Cat rides shotgun and acts as

a equilibrium indicator swaying back and forth around curves alerting the driver to

changes in terrain and altitude. Applicant may bring to the interview, goggles, a hat and driving gloves if desired.

9. Cat food Criticism: Daily. 

Various meals are presented daily to the Chief Cat who requires a discerning palate and the ability to communicate his preferences. No gulping or gobbling of food is allowed - only thoughtful mastication. Chief and Assistant dine together and are served by Mr. Richard, one of our finest! Chief shall register either enthusiasm or indifference for the various products presented and this response will be noted. Records are kept and will remain in the candidate's permanent portfolio. 

Compensation Package:

Room and board, colloquially known as "three hots and a cot", free run of Rancho de las Paltas. Love and affection from the two resident humans and the Assistant Cat. Weekends off and eight week to ten weeks minimum vacation time while humans roam the outside world. Chief cat is free to use this eight to ten week period for activities of his choice: meditation, physical fitness and catch-up sleeping time are three favorite vacation time activities. 

Applications will be accepted daily at foodsmarts@gmail.com. Please include pictures if possible. 

No cheesecake or photo shopped pictures will be considered. 

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

We actually paid cold hard cash to go see "Rise of the Planet of the Apes". In 3D. The reviews were glowing. I couldn't get into it at all. From the beginning to end, the characters looked like people in monkey suits to me. I waited and waited to be swept into it but the dialogue was so corny; the anti-gun anti-war message so crudely presented I was in disbelief. Re-checking the reviews I noticed several critics mentioned a "lack of finesse" - such an understatement.

Summing it up, Mr. Wilson, the volleyball/friend of Tom Hanks in "Castaway"  was more human and relatable to me than any of the apes in this film. Tom Hanks is such a fine actor that Mr. Wilson, nothing more than a volleyball with a magic marker face drawn on it, came alive. I actually cried when Mr. Wilson was lost at sea. So sue me....I have a workable imagination, an attribute that seems to be missing in many movie viewers today. Everything has to be so literal.

The redeeming part of the "Rise of the Planet..." was the technical stuff...the excellent sets and the magic that's used to make people into apes which I read about post-viewing trying to find some redemption for having sat through 2 hours+ of bad acting. As for the 3D, it didn't add significantly to this film for me but the 3D trailers shown for three or four upcoming action films were splendid - 3D wise. Fists fly out at the screen, you duck under the boulders rolling your way plus you have the added fun of wearing the glasses which recall the thrilling days of the 1953 versions of "House of Wax". Gasp.

Sepia Saturday 238: Rough Draught

I sighed when I saw the prompt for this week. "Oh gee - this is tough," I thought. Finally, I cleared the phlegm from my throat and gnawing on my pencil resigned myself to the assignment but waited until nightfall when the silent "G" screaming out for attention was easier to take in the softer light. "Right!" I said to myself as my mind took flight. With all my might summoned, I leaned into the computer to weigh the alternatives but something outside caught my eye. Was that a gnu walking by with the neighbor's daughter? Thankfully not!! Everything and anything distracts me these days - a gnat flying by, a whiff of cologne or a burst of laughter can ruin my concentration.  Gnashing my teeth, I got back to the campaign at hand. You could go anywhere with this sign business - anywhere from say ads for champagne or varieties of designs from the simply benign to the exotically foreign.  

Finally I said to myself, "Enough!! This is rough but we can get through it." Once more pawing through the photo box, I found this postcard I sent to my sister from Wexford, Ireland in the seventies. Grim as it is, I thought it worked for our prompt because the signage covers all three of the owner's undertakings (whoops - pardon the grisly pun) - the bar, the funeral business and grocery store. 

Undertaker's and Bar in Wexford Town.

On the reverse I wrote: 

"Hi Eilleen. This is quite a corner - eat, drink and drop dead all within steps of each other. How convenient! Lots and lots of Killeens here. See you soon, Helen"

Funny, when you start to talk about the dismal and ghoulish, the silent G is naught not be found. Gravely I contemplated a partial glossary: garrote, gallows, grimy, grotty, grotesque, gritty, ghostly AND grisly - just for a start. 

Just as I thought I was finished, I noticed the SIGNS sign could be read as SGNS, the "I" being somewhat obscured by the fire escape. That could lead down another road altogether, a road I'd find most enjoyable but don't have time for today as I'm busy writing a job description for a new Chief Cat here at the grove.  The most famous "missing letter" sign I know is from the play of the same name: 

What a relief it is to have that silent G behind me! As an antidote I offer while giggling, a gaggle of grinning geese going somewhere gaily, somewhere over the grassy green. 

More short stories about signs can be found over at Sepia Saturday.

Banana Blossoms

Taking a break from the kitchen

“Did you buy banana blossoms in the market in Hanoi?” I asked Diep as we worked together at the sink. The banana blossom is sometimes called the banana heart. Heavy for its size at about a pound, the blossom is tear-drop shaped and heart-blood red. Although I’d seen them for sale in Mexican markets, I really had no idea how you got from the exotic-looking pendulous fruit to the delicious crispy salads I’d eaten while in Vietnam. 

“Yes," she replied. “They’re a staple in the market and always available. Banana blossoms are considered the “cleanest” of all vegetables by Vietnamese people because they grow suspended in the air, between the sky and the ground." Even though the banana blossom is technically a fruit, in India and Southeast Asia its treated more like a vegetable and besides being used in salads, its cooked in stews and curries.

As Diep peeled back the outer layers of the blossom, the clusters of tiny baby bananas between the petals were exposed. They’re called “stick fruit” and the yellow ones are edible but astringent with a taste similar to banana peel. If the blossom was left on the tree, the sticks would develop into bananas. 

Banana blossom salad is served regularly in Vietnamese homes, partly because the blossom stores well (up to a month in the refrigerator) and partly because the fresh, crisp texture is very satisfying in the tropical climate when the days are hot and humid. 

Working together on the bean sprouts for this salad, I asked Diep if she spent much time at the Hanoi market. She laughed. “Oh yes, lots of time. I learned how to be a saleswoman at the market." She explained that when she was eight years old, her father fell ill and was hospitalized for two years. During that time, her family struggled to keep food on the table and learned to be very resourceful. Although the communist government was still attempting to manage the command economy, there were shortages of everything and people were starving. The authorities had to quickly adjust the rules to allow small businesses to operate; people were permitted to sell things to each other and to cultivate backyard gardens raising produce they sold in the markets.

Diep’s fatherless family began raising bean sprouts in the house. Because Diep’s mother was educated in Checkoslavakia as a chemical engineer, she ran their small agricultural operation like a science experiment. Her “formula” for cultivation was successful and the bean sprouts were consistently superior. 

“I would help my mother carry everything to the market and get it arranged on the tables. People all around us sold their products by appearing to be as pitiful as possible. The attitude of the salespeople was ‘buy from me because I’m poor and needy’.” 

Diep's Mom second from left, Dad with mike.

Having lived in eastern Europe as a student her mother had been exposed to more western sales methods little known at the time in Vietnam. Its sometimes hard to remember that the ambitious and hard-working Vietnamese we know in the U.S. were kept subservient during the French regime and survived by keeping a low profile; during the early Communist years the most desirable status you could have was to be poor and down-trodden. 

Diep’s mother couldn’t help being different. Proud and confident, she sold her bean sprouts on the basis of their clear superiority. Diep remembers, “People bought from her because she offered the best product.” Regardless of the principles of the regime, when it came down to selecting food for the table, people chose products on the basis of quality—not on the basis of which seller was most needy or pitiful.  Diep learned this lesson well and because she was a charismatic child she quickly learned to elicit smiles in the market and to “make small smiles into bigger smiles.” She was a little sprout selling sprouts.  

“Basically everything I know about business, I learned from my mother. Not only did she teach me to smile and please the customer, she also showed me how the dishonest sellers would put a finger on the scale or try to foist off lower quality merchandise on naive buyers.” 

Diep is a shrewd shopper. I enjoyed wandering through the markets with her watching her carefully examine each piece of fruit and each vegetable using her eyes and nose before she made her selection. “What’s the point of putting effort into preparing food that’s inferior in the first place?” she asks as she sorts through the jicama, finally choosing a small but very firm one. “No amount of kitchen skill is going to magically change that fact.” Observing the shoppers around us I note that most Vietnamese take grocery shopping more seriously than we Americans do. Diep declares, “I don’t believe that a smart food shopper would ever buy pre-bagged anything. Unless you can see each piece in the bag, on all sides, forget it!” 

Back in the kitchen, she had peeled the blossom until the core remained. She thinly sliced the inner leaves and offered me a piece to taste. It was bitter and astringent and made my mouth pucker. “That’s why they have to be pre-soaked”  she said as she put them in a bowl and added water, lemon juice and salt. Almost immediately the water turned pink. After 30 minutes or so, we tested a couple of slices again and the bitterness had leached away. 

Sepia Saturday 237: What a drag!

The prompt this week- men dressed as dancers in chiffon - immediately brought to mind the Disney masterpiece, "Fantasia" and the dancing hippos. 

Pinned by pinner

In the upper left hand corner of the prompt photo there's a caption in Norwegian referring to a student revue. Studenterrevyen might be akin to the Hasty Pudding Club presentations at Harvard in which all the female characters are played by men in drag. This year they're presenting "Victorian Secrets" and the cast, to mention only a few, features Billy Club, a dim-witted cop and Ella Mental - a crackpot scientist. 

Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo or the "Trock" is a world famous dance parody troupe which performs around the world. Still going strong after 40 years, their hilarious show features men dressed as female ballet dancers. Make-up and dress are impeccable if a little over the top.  Lest the audience forgets for a moment they are men, their underarms are unshaven, so with every graceful upraised arm you get the picture. 

Fernando Medina-Gallego

Everyone knows it's not as funny to see women dressed as men as it is men dressed as women but in my own photo collection I could only find this - my sister at about 11 years old, in her "drag" Halloween costume dressed as a mature woman. Her attitude seems very Trock to me. 

Chaulk up those slippers and chasee your way over to Sepia Saturday for more stories of dancing and dress-up. 

Was our cat happy?

I guess our Buster is scribbling away in animal heaven. We always assume our pets love us, but who really knows?

Two Billy Collins poems about what dogs think

Cat in the Hat birthday party

Rowan and his Mom.

Our little cousin celebrated his third birthday on Saturday. We've rarely been to a party that started that earlier - 10:00 in the morning. Three years olds start early, party hard and quit early, we learned.

Rowan pre-testing the food. "It's okay Mom"

The entertainment was fast and furious. There was a big inflatable thing in the backyard. The kids climbed up and down it relentlessly. We skipped this.

About an hour into the fete, an animal handler appeared and presented a ferret, a pigeon, a bullfrog and the piece de resistance a huge yellow snake named Banana. Everyone got to touch the critters (who wanted to) and there were plenty of wide eyes.

Holding "Banana"

Waiting breathlessly for the animals. My second favorite moment. 

Jennifer and friends

Enjoying the pigeon

After all that excitement, we were treated to fruit, bagels, mimosas (for the parents) and coffee.

I got a thing 2 cupcake

That's when the fire truck pulled up. Wow...we got to see the hoses, the nozzles, the dials and the firemen. 

Add one blueberry to each eye and a grape to the nose.

Plenty of little boys were awe struck. So was I.

I'd forgotten how much pleasure you can get from a three year old's company. I put one blueberry in each of Dr. Seusses' eyes and you'd think I was a combination of Albert Einstein and Michelangelo. Everyone should have a three year audience, once a week - it's great for the ego.

Favorite moment - with Liam.

Opening our gift - a make your own monster puppet kit. I want one (for the cat). 

Every second got recorded.

Sepia Saturday #236: Wash, Rinse, Repeat!

This shampoo-head photo is the closest I could come to the prompt this week. Studying the mass of suds on my 8 year old head, I thought of the famous shampoo algorithm : "Wet hair, lather, rinse, repeat"!  Originally the instructions were to "wet hair, lather and rinse". This is a fine example of the power of a single word used wisely, in this case "repeat". Legend has it that Proctor and Gamble's shampoo sales doubled with the addition of that single word.

We weren't "repeating" much during this era. Actually I think my Mom washed our hair with the soap. The single bar of soap in the bathroom was used for everything.  I can remember it stinging our eyes when she scrubbed our hair in the tub....as below where my sister and I are enjoying our double bath and shampoo. I love this photo with the shadows, my sister's eyes shining, my giggle you can almost hear. Dad's white ink note fits particularly well on this scene. Today would you call this a spa day? The washtub soak was another version of our 50's spa day - in the photo below I've grown to about the maximum size for the back yard "jacuzzi". Joycie, my little friend, waiting for her turn, probably wouldn't have fit in the tub - maybe that's why she looks kind of sad. And I look smug.

Employing a strategy similar to the shampoo instructions in simplicity, Alka-Seltzer sales zoomed up with the advent of the plop, plop, fizz, fizz commercials. Prior to that time, the instructions on Alka-Seltzer were to use one tablet at a time. Just one plop. Since Alka-Seltzer was comprised mainly of aspirin and recommended dosage for aspirin was 2 tablets, the company's advertising agency in the early 60's, Jack Tinker and Associates, came up with the idea of double-plopping. The plop plop ads they developed became some of the best known of the 20th century.

Alka-Seltzer Commercial
http://youtu.be/icwW6H-PJ-0

I'm happy to have missed the era of those horrible helmet hair dryers shown in the prompt. There our heroine sits, probably hot and sweaty, with the fumes from the nail polish paraphernalia gagging her. Were those chemicals not flammable? I guess not, as her cigarette is smoldering inches away from the bottles. We women have always been gluttons for punishment. She probably reached for the Alka-Seltzer when she got home.

I did my share of suffering for hair fashion. Fighting naturally curly hair which has gotten curlier and curlier as I age, I suffered through the straight style decades and ironed my hair in the sixties. Predictably the pendulum swung (swang?) and I got to gloat during the curly 80's when Barbra Streisand popularized the very same frizz I saw in the mirror every morning! Didn't have to do a thing which was great when on the road...here in Australia circa 1984.

Barbra and the look!

Smiling my way through the 80's

The frizz ran in the family. Here's my great uncle James on the left in the photo. Shampoo manufacturers would have loved him with that mop of unruly hair and beard. Uncle James!
Listen up!!!! Wet that hair, shampoo, rinse and repeat, repeat, repeat.

Bonus link: If you're interested in reading some very dark but excellent Orwellian type stories about manipulating consumers, give George Saunders a whirl. His stories are free here.
Free George Saunders stories
My favorites (not that anyone should care) are "The Semplica-Girls Diaries" and "Adams" which is not about consumerism but is so totally brilliant (think Iraq war).

For more hair raising stories, check out the others at  Sepia Saturday.

Sepia Saturday #235 :Risky Business

"Einstein loved to smoke. As he walked between his house and his office at Princeton, one could often see him followed by a trail of smoke. Nearly as part of his image as his wild hair and baggy clothes was Einstein clutching his trusty briar pipe. In 1950, Einstein is noted as saying, "I believe that pipe smoking contributes to a somewhat calm and objective judgment in all human affairs," Although he favored pipes, Einstein was not one to turn down a cigar or even a cigarette."

Some say smoking a pipe increases the perception of one's IQ by thirty points. My cousin Brian, pictured above with my favorite Auntie Addie, didn't need the help. Brian, who should have been named Brain was, at one time, the youngest actuarial statistician in Canada. I love this photo of aunt and nephew together in the setting so typical of the fifties, with the TV in a "blonde" cabinet; the flash bulbs in their packages and that lamp! Just to my aunt's right was a stand ashtray made of chrome with an airplane on the top. Remember those?

I found this photo on ebay. This is an electric version and the windows of the plane light up. There's even a pipe resting in the actual ash tray part. Looks like these beauties sell for around $600.00

My cousin, the actuary, went on to work for various insurance companies predicting risk. Actuaries (for those who don't know) are the guys and gals at companies like Lloyds of London who determine that it would be a decent business proposition to insure Keith Richard's middle finger for 1.5 million dollars, or Betty Grable's legs for a million bucks! I wonder if Brian ever calculated the increased risk of dying for pipe smokers. Googling this subject, I found that risk is expressed in all kinds of spurious ways depending on the purpose for calculating the risk. Here's one I particularly liked:
Estimated loss of life expectancy* in days due to :
pipe smoking - 220 days; alcohol - 130 days; or my favorite - being murdered - 90 days. Note to self: avoid being murdered or forget about that three month stay in London on the bucket list. 

If you like statistics and want to have fun with data, check out the website Spurious Correlations.  My friend Nancy Javier sent me this link where you can find fascinating and useful bits of information like the fact that the divorce rate in Maine correlates (.99%) with the per capita consumption of margarine. Watch the short video at the bottom of the site where Tyler Vigen, the creator, makes his point about how to use and interpret data.

My cousin Brain Brian would have loved this site and because he was a smart guy, the chances are pretty good that he'd throw caution to the wind, set his pipe aside in the ashtray and check out the rest of the stories on Sepia Saturday.

*Risk Communication, Risk Statistics, and Risk Comparisons:  A Manual for Plant Managers by Vincent T. Covello,Peter M. Sandman, and Paul Slovic Washington, DC: Chemical Manufacturers Association, 1988 Appendix B - Risk Comparison Tables and Figures.

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