SPEED

On steroids for 14 days to see if some hearing can be saved in my AN ear. 10 days of a full dose and the past three days have been ratcheting down. Never having taken a drug like this before, I was surprised at the effect. Hearing almost immediately returned to the ear which is like a miracle. In fact the AN ear is now about like it was when first diagnosed. I can hear sound - still can't distinguish words, but hearing sound means stereo, so much safer than the monoaural world I was descending into. Most of the 10 days were just fine and then like a bucket of cold water in the face, the speed turned on. I was compelled to move fast and for some reason, organizing things appeals (not just too me, but this is typical) and eating everything in sight. Food doesn't "hit bottom" and no satiety value whatsoever..you can just keep tossing it down and it seemingly disappears. Eilleen told me that this was the sensation she had with alcohol...no amount could ever be enough -- never satisfying so there's always the drive to get more.

Because of a huge appliance sale at Lowe's I ventured out and bought a new washer/dryer and dishwasher for the house. In the big box stores my ears are clanging and ringing like a fire alarm and of course, this puts the whole body on alert. As the swelling decreases in the tumor tissue, I imagine that the pressure on the blood vessels constricting flow changes affecting the whole system. While the swelling is changing presumably from minute to minute, so does the alarm in my head. It can't be ignored and the result is tension exhaustion after a while. Interestingly (this never lacks for interest) with perseverance the brain adjusts - at first you want only to retreat and then you notice, OK, it's coping and with a little more time, coping more. Our CPU is a magnificent piece of work...astonishing.