Friday, November 19, 2010

Driver's License

My new driver's license arrived in the mail. As the chore list placed me in Temecula for the afternoon I stopped at Target to grab a bag of greasy popcorn for spirit lifting.  Looking at my own rapidly deteriorating mug staring back at me from the license was too much reality all at once. How far do your eyelids have to droop before corrective surgery is necessary and no longer cosmetic? Whatever it is, I'm there. The good news is that some new muscle mass is developing on my body. Too bad it's on my forehead from the effort of holding the eyelids up! Between the droops and the forehead bulges, I'm edging into a new Richard Burton look. Only having my upper lip zipped off once a month keeps me from looking like one of his thinner male cousins.

I guess the once a decade visit to Merle Norman for a make-up make-over should be added to my to-do list. Sensitive to the needs of an aging market, they must sell droop minimizer and bulge erase. Hopefully they are still in business. Otherwise I might have to venture over to the mercilessly lit Sephora Bar with its mystifying array of potions. 

While leaning on my shopping cart waiting for the popper to pop, holding my eyelids up as high as they will go - I noticed the Pizza Hut menu board. Calorie disclosure has ascended to a new level. The information is posted up there on the menu board in a type size = to the name of the item. 720 CALORIES in the Hearty Marinara, 810 CALORIES in the Creamy Chicken Alfredo!! If you order one of these and you're a little chubby, you're going to feel schmucky. Some day soon we'll look back nostalgically at the primitive era before the calorie sign when you could claim blissful ignorance and just enjoy the dang thing for the treat it is.

Happily, there's no calorie sign on the popcorn. Not yet.


1 comment:

  1. Better Richard Burton's droops than his complexion.