Monday, March 22, 2010

Fees on fees on fees

Arthur Frommers blog last week addresses the practise of the addition of fees to rental car bills. There's a fee for everything - even a fee for the fee.  

I'm thinking that I should apply the same principals and try the following additions to a simple invoice  for services rendered.

Accounting fee 1% Charge for collecting our fees
Procurement fee 3% Fee for going to the store and buying all the stuff we need
Storage fee 1% Covers cost of refrigeration and square footage we devote to storing all the ingredients, packaging materials and other things clients send us
Equipment use fee 3% Scales, pH meters, pipettes, lab notebooks, chef's jackets, measuring equipment
Tax fee 5% Why not??
Confidentiality fee 3% Keeping your mouth shut is really hard!
Fee recoup fee 1% Because we are charging a fee, we are at risk for losing the client therefore there must be a fee fee
License recoupment fee 1% We all have to have licenses
IFT fee 1% We belong to the Institute of Food Technologists which benefits our clients
FDA compliance fee 1% Should it be necessary, we do comply with FDA regulations
State of California Income Tax fee 6% It costs plenty to live in California and for our clients to have a consultant with a California address. 

That's a nice 25% collectable as an add-on. My fee names are pretty weak - I need help thinking of solid dependable believable names for these unbelievable charges.

Should I attempt this - I'm sure I'd never work again so I guess the addition of another 25% unemployment fee couldn't hurt?

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